Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconshadowsand: More from shadowsand


Featured in Collections


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
August 14, 2007
File Size
3.0 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
571
Favourites
36 (who?)
Comments
57

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
What I am about to tell you is a true story that occured at around 11:30
P.M. on January 14, 2007.

But first, a quick background of myself before this.

For about five years at most I have had things happen inside of me that
have caused me in recent days to be one of the many people who have problems
with depression, anger, and other raging emotions. Maybe it's hormones, maybe
it's not. But it has led me into cutting and saying horrible things,
including suicide. I was lost in a void of darkness, and I began to believe
I had no way out. I felt like nothing was right and that there was only
this void to live in.

Then came the night of January 14.

I couldn't fall asleep. I felt sick and worried about something, as if
something was bad coming. But instead of turning on a nice, peaceful CD
like I usually did, I turned to Evanescence. I don't know why, but I had an
urge to hear her song Tourniquet (a song about commiting suicide).

Normally, this song doesn't bother me. But that night, as I listened to it,
something happened that I didn't expect. I saw a vision, or something near
being one. (Remember, this is real)

I was at my funeral. I had commited suicide. And you all
were there. I had always believed before that if I died, you'd cry and move
on. It seemed natural. But this was different.

I first saw one of my former friends. She was in tears, but
not like I had ever seen before. She was saying things like, "Why did you
do it, Andi? Why the hell did you do it?!" I felt horrible. I felt sick
watching me betray my own friend.

But it didn't stop with her. No, it continued. I saw my little brother, his face
tear-stained and red, looking up at my crying parents and asking in his
quiet voice, "Why did she die daddy? Why?" And it continued. Every
person's face flashed the hurt from my own betrayal, my own selfish act! It
was so real, but it was not a dream. I was wide awake for it all, but how
it hurt me. I felt like such a sinner, like such a traitor to all of you!

It hurt so much to watch this. I was crying so hard, harder than I ever
have before in my life. Things fell out of my mouth as I tried to speak,
only choking on my own words and tears. I knew I was living what would
happen to you all.

It started in a whisper, then grew to a yell. "I will not die! I will not
kill myself! I will not die!" And every time I said this, God's own great
energy filled me. A new confidence, a new hope filled me, and I knew that
the void I was lost in was broken by God's great light!

I say it now and swear, those selfish thoughts of suicide are over! I am a
new person, a stronger person, and I will face my life as this new fighter.
yes, this really did happen.

{EDIT} I went first wrote this and posted it three years ago, it had been the exact copy of an e-mail I had sent out to family and friends. The little editting I did was to add a part or two I had left out but now feel is necessary to keep. It is the reason I believe so strongly in God, before this happened I had believed so strongly that God had abandoned me and left me to die. It has been 3 years since I last cut, 3 years since I attempted suicide or even thought about it, 3 years of joy, success, and praising God!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrenredfox:
RenRedFox Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2011
I love you sister :D
Reply
:iconmoombeam36:
Moombeam36 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
God has a remarkable way of answering prayers, I once had a prayer answered in a dream also.
Reply
:icontncouple39:
tncouple39 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2011
Glory to God! I, myself, was saved just a few weeks ago. As many others, I never believed in God due to all the hypocracy in "religion" (priests molesting alter boys, men acting superior then going home to beat their family etc...) and that was the problem. : "RELIGION"...

My sister in law asked us to come to her church one Sunday and being the husband that I am, I agreed to go just to please my wife. We attended the service and I sat there with thoughts going through my head, asking myself why did I ever agree to attend. Then, for some reason that I did not understand at the time, I asked my wife if she wished to attend the following Sunday.

During my second visit, I found myself listening to the messages of the Pastor with ease. At the end of the service, the Pastor asked if anyone needed to be prayed uppon to receive the gift of Christ. I turned to my wife & smiled and before I knew it, I was walking from the back of the Church towards the front. Thoughts were running through my mind of disbelief but my body was responding by walking towards the front.

As I was standing there, in front of everyone that was present, I was weeping like a small child. The Pastor layed his hands on my shoulders and started to pray. As the tears came from my eyes, a great & wonderful feeling, deep from within my heart, filled my entire body! Christ had entered my soul and filled me with his love!!!

Just like you, I had suffered many years of depression, a multitude of demons, sleepless nights & even tried to commit suicide. But now, since that day, all of the anger, hate & depression has left body to the point, I do not need meds anymore!

The truth lies with no one can be saved by "religion". We can only be saved with an honest/open relationship with God. And you my friend, know exactly what I'm talking about!

May Christ be with you, and always with you!!!!
Reply
:iconshadowsand:
shadowsand Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Glory to God on His saving of you! It has come at such a perfect time as well, hearing your story. Though I can never deny God's existence anymore except by my own choosing, I have strayed from Him. I have been discouraged, but now reading this has reminded me that I am not alone, because around me other wonderful miracles such as yours are happening. I have been very lonely- I am away from home and without work- but reading this comment nearly has me in tears, and I remember this night. Now I feel I can share this feeling with someone other than myself.

Please, continue to tell of this! Over time the difficult things you have faced may come back, but know your battle has been one! I sometimes still fight dips of depression and the urge to self-mutilate, but they are so much weaker now, and I have God to run to. Others, like me, will need this story, your incredible story of our Awesome God.

And it is true, religion has never saved anyone. Only God can do that! If religion mattered, we would never have been saved! I was technically atheist/agnostic before January 14, if it was religion that was supposed to save us I, we, would be dead. God is love, and it is Love that saved us.

If I may, have you ever heard of Fireflight? A song I relate to very well is their song "What I've Overcome." They are a modern Christian rock band, and if you wish, listen to the song: [link] I do not advertise them for money, I just feel you could relate the same way I do because of this.

Welcome to God's love, brother in Christ :hug:
Reply
:icontncouple39:
tncouple39 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011
I'm glad that my story somehow, has inspired you. No, you are not alone. If you ever need someone to vent with, just send me a note on here. I'll be glad to visit.

I'm out of work at the moment and do not have funds coming in. I'm also 1200 miles away from my children & have been for eight years(but that's another long story) so I very much relate to your situation!

Wow! That song is powerful!!! I will surely try to find more songs by them. The rock style is right up my alley! lol

Thank you again for your kind words & do not hesitate to sned me a note if you need to talk...

Sincerely,

Alan
Reply
:iconblaze-chan0013:
Blaze-chan0013 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Amazing story! :D Praise the Lord!
Reply
:iconoptimusbart09:
OptimusBart09 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
Hallelujah! No one motivates a brother/sister better than the Holy Spirit!
Reply
:iconztinizz:
ztinizz Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
that's amazing! God bless!
Reply
:iconhrwilliams:
hrwilliams Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011  Professional Writer
It's an amazing thing to feel the presence of God. And wow, He can speak to us through so many random things. (Tourniquet always bothered me, I think because of the lowercase "god" and its idea of salvation.)

Thank you so much for sharing this! I knew before the first paragraph was out that this was one to fav.
Reply
:iconkendrakaykaykamera:
KendraKayKayKamera Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011
I love hearing stories like this :D so moving and beautiful! I myself has experienced such a miracle that changed me for the better :) and I'm glad that God has helped you :hug: God Bless you!
Reply
Add a Comment: